17 weeks 5 days.

This morning's appointment had me feeling a little like Rosemary Woodhouse. Sometimes it's a lot of stress to be this hormonal.

"There are plots against people, aren't there?"

First let me start off by saying that I know this shit isn't right. I am not normally so sensitive, and I certainly don't cry at the drop of a hat. That is, until recently. I hate blaming actions on things such as hormones. It sounds like such a cop out. But I knew something was up when Ken and I went to a restaurant for dinner last weekend, and I started crying in the car because the restaurant was too crowded and didn't have the vegetarian options listed on their website. Crying? Over tacos? Oh, it gets better.

So the appointment this morning. I haven't been to the doc for a month, and I never know what to expect because they never tell me anything. Seriously, I usually have to drag information out of these people as they're running by me. I knew from friends that the big ultrasound where they check the spine, organs, and can possibly find out the gender is around 20 weeks. Also keep in mind that they have performed an ultrasound at every single visit up to this point. Five ultrasounds, people. This has me under the impression that an ultrasound is typical for an appointment. I've never done this before, what the hell do I know?

I go in and the nurse weighs me and takes my BP. I ask her if I can wait until after the ultrasound to give the urine sample, since the bladder needs to be full for them to see best. Her response was, "What makes you think you are getting an ultrasound?" I told her that I didn't know, then asked what we were supposed to be doing today if not an ultrasound. "Just a check up", she told me. "You were supposed to have scheduled your 20 week ultrasound already. It's done at a different location". My response, "I was? Nobody told me that." She said, "Well, it's probably not your fault." Then she huffed around while checking my vitals. I asked her what my starting weight was, so I could know how much weight I've gained total, and she informed me that she can't look right now, but she would tell me in a minute. She didn't.

We went to the little room to wait for the doctor, and Ken tells me he's sorry, because he knew I was hoping for an ultrasound. Honestly, I really don't understand having to drag my ass out there for them to just weigh me and take my urine. Is there really nothing else for them to check after a month? Anyway, I started crying because I felt like the nurse was trying to imply that I didn't know what was going on when I should have. I was also pissed that no one had told me to make the 20 week appointment. It's "probably" not my fault? How about it's not my damn fault, lady? So just as I start crying, the nurse walks in to tell me more about this 20 week appointment which I should have already scheduled at the other location. She sees that I'm upset, and asks why. I told her that I feel like I'm not being given the information that I need. "Well, did you get the book at your first appointment?" she asks. You mean the notebook of general information on pregnancy, and nothing really specific about what to expect at each visit? Yeah, I got it. This pisses me off more, so I cry more.

Then the doctor walks in and wants to know what's going on. The nurse blurts out, "She's upset because she's not getting an ultrasound". I tell him that's not why I'm upset, but now I'm more pissed and embarrassed, so I cry more. He's a really nice guy with a much better beside manner than Miss "See You In Tahiti" nurse, so he says, "Hey, an ultrasound will only take 5 minutes, why don't we do one for you?" Tahiti nurse then leaves the room.

I start apologizing to the doctor for crying, letting him know that it's unlike me, etc. He tells me that hormones make pregnant women cry at everything, and not to worry about it. I really felt bad, because I didn't want him to think I was trying to manipulate the situation by making a scene. I don't play like that. I felt terrible. But the guy did an ultrasound with a smile, and spent a lot of time on it, too. He said we could look for the gender, but the ultrasound machine at this location isn't as sensitive. We tried real hard to tell the gender, but the baby was moving around way too much to see for sure. It almost looked like a boy, but doc couldn't confirm if what he saw was the baby's peenee or part of the umbilical cord. So we shall find out for sure (hopefully) when we go to our "real" ultrasound later on.

Here's what crying got me. Picture time.



Bottom of the feet. He/she was moving around a whole lot. Flips and everything.



Here's the kicker. This afternoon I called to schedule the 20 week ultrasound, and the scheduler said, "You should have scheduled this earlier. We're booked up through December." Of course. But after much prodding, they squeezed me in between two other appointments the first week of November.

I want tacos. And chocolate cake.