The boy is getting so much better, it's really amazing. Yesterday he managed to graduate from that big CPAP mask to a nasal cannula, and his feeding tube is now in his nose. His bed switched from the big, weird warmer bed to a regular little bassinet. He is being tested with mouth feedings, though he hasn't gotten the hang of it yet enough to get rid of the feeding tube completely. he has started with a bottle of breast milk several times a day, and we will attempt a latch on for breast feeding in the morning. The boy and I even had some skin to skin time this today, it was great. All medications are finished now, except for a small amount of oxygen. Mostly he is being monitored to make sure his organs can handle everything, and his platelet count is being watched. Once he can handle exclusive mouth feedings, then we are closer to discharge time! We don't know when for sure, but we hope to have Luka home with us by next week. Wish you were here with us, little man.
I am more than excited to have Luka well enough to come live with us, but now that his health is improving, I have this fear that once he comes home he will get sick again. What if we break him? Hell, I almost broke him getting him out of my uterus. What makes me capable of taking care of such a delicate little creature? If all it takes is love, then I've got it under control. But I'm afraid it takes some actual skill, too. I hope I can handle it.
i really feel like i'm reading my niece's story all over again. she had such similar issues, and my brother and sister-in-law had such similar fears. they thought there was a chance she'd develop issues while developing (she hasn't -- she's thriving). my sister-in-law had similar "what if i break her?" fears (she didn't break her -- lila is a strong, capable 8-month-old). when he is home with you, maternal and paternal instincts will kick in, and this will all be a faraway bad memory. even with the tubes and things, it's so clear how beautiful that boy is. keeping our thoughts with you... xoxx
ReplyDeleteHe already looks bigger and older than his newborn pictures. I think most moms are afraid of "breaking" their babies when they take them home but I know it's bound to be worse when the baby has been sick. Once Luka is home your mother's nurturing instinct will kick in and you'll know what to do. Plus every day he gets older, bigger, and better. You're on the uphill side now.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ladies. Jasmin, while I'm sad to know your bother and sister in-law had to go through this, it is nice to hear hear about their positive outcome. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHe's so precious. He's dreaming of home too, look at that pensive little finger. When's his first trip to Portland?
ReplyDeleteEvery new parent wonders if they are capable of keeping their new babies alive. Look at all the stupid people out there will gobs of kids. If they can do it, then you're more than capable.
Once he's home and you cease to sleep because you want to watch him and make sure he's still breathing (totally normal and not at all paranoid behavior by the way), you'll start to wonder whether you'll survive too. It's all so wonderfully worth it though. Those are some of our toughest but most wonderful times, developing those bonds and realizing this whole new nurturing capability within ourselves.
Well put, Christy. You are a smart lady and momma. Leigh- I know you will be a great mother. You have already been doing a great job by pumping for Luka.
ReplyDeleteI know I was beyond worried that I would mess Milo up once he was born. Everyone always said I would do fine since I was a teacher, but it is way different when the kids can tell you what they want. It turns out those maternal instincts really do take over and somehow you just figure out what needs to be done. Ken is a super guy and I know he will also be a great dad. Your love for him will also grow. You both will do great once Luka is home with you.
Also, I'm so excited to hear how fast he is recovering. Can't wait to meet him.
woo! it's true, all you need is love, and something to wipe his arse! hahhahahah. but really. it's so weird when you first get home! you set the car seat down, and it's like, okaaaaayyyyyy. what do we do now?
ReplyDeletewe had old george the dog back in those days...and i swear, we were so forgetful of him and wigged out with ruby & pumping, etc., that we would forget to let him out to pee until 3pm. the big guy just sat in a corner & watched us flit around. you're gonna do much better. xoxoxoxo
I'm so excited he is doing so much better! And I agree, he has gotten bigger already. I love all of that dark hair. Yay to going home soon!
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