on vanity and pregnancy.

Feeling tired, fat and happy. I'm calling this picture 19 weeks, though it's really more 18 weeks 5 days. Close enough.

I've been reading as many pregnancy books as my local library can provide me with, and that's been going well. But I picked up a real stinker this past week called The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy, and much of it's contents got me to thinking about how women view themselves physically when they become pregnant. I am going to pick on this book a lot, but my reason is because I'm afraid that a lot of women feel the same way and relate to the issues raised in The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy. It's a really popular book, from what I understand.

Now, I'm not without my insecurities, pregnant or no. I much don't care for my extra padding all around, and my good intentions to go without coloring my hair while pregnant have been strained by my four month old roots and grays peeking through. But overall, I'm pregnant because I want to be. And being a mother holds a lot more water with me than being traditionally "pretty" by some kind of society standards. Some days I have to remind myself of this more than other days. Perhaps because of drivel like this (and yeah, the author takes liberties with her all caps button):

"DO NOT CUT YOUR HAIR OFF WHEN YOU ARE PREGNANT! Don't forget, your face is pregnant, now, too, and you need bone structure to pull off that look." "And your husband, whose nerves are pretty raw at this point, will probably snap if you cut your hair, since we all know most men prefer long hair under any circumstances..."

My first thought when reading this was to look at the publishing date. It's 1995, not 1953 as I was hoping. An old, dated book or some kind of sick joke are the only two things that could explain this kind of bizarre, self-loathing garbage. So, pregnant ladies shouldn't sport a short hair cut because they have fat faces and their husbands will be pissed? What kind of jackass has this woman decided to spawn with?

"If I were to have let my hair return to its natural brown and gray condition every time I was pregnant, my children might have been spared some indirect contact with chemicals, but they would have also been born to a single parent, because my husband surely would have left me after the first two inches of the "real me" had grown out."

I mean, really. Do we need to call the authorities on this guy for emotional abuse, or does the author just need lots of therapy for her extremely low self esteem?

There aren't any definitive answers available on the whole "hair color while pregnant" topic. Lots of people do it, and their babies are just fine. Others choose to forgo any additional chemicals while pregnant, just in case. Either way, it's a personal decision and I would hate to think that there are pregnant women out there who go against what they feel comfortable with because they fear being seen as ugly by their partners, friends, or strangers.

The author takes lots of jabs at her own perceived fatness: "I just have a hard time reconciling my own pregnant dimensions with the size-four clothes in my closet." Yet devotes an entire chapter on why exercise should be completely avoided during pregnancy. No, seriously. Here are her completely ridiculous reasons.

1. You will be too tired
2. You will not look good in your leotard
3. You will get fat anyway
4. Exercise will not help you in labor or delivery
5. You might endanger the pregnancy
6. Even of you don't endanger the pregnancy, if something goes wrong you will forever wonder if exercising caused it.
7. It's "nine months up nine months down" in the weight gaining department, no matter what you do.
8. Our compulsion to exercise when we are pregnant is a reflection of our inability to surrender and let nature run it's course.

See, what her list says to me is that the sole purpose of exercise is to make us thin, and what's the use when pregnant? The truth is, pregnancy-modified exercise routines are not only acceptable, they are encouraged to help keep pregnancy discomfort down, reduce stress, boost energy, prepare for childbirth, keep blood pressure in check, sleep better, and more. As far as her #8, I certainly don't have a "compulsion to exercise". I hate exercising. But I do it because I want to feel better even if I'm just walking or stretching. How many well-meaning pregnant women have read this chapter and decided to just sit down for nine months in fear of hurting themselves or their kid? How many suffered for even lower self esteem when they started to feel shitty from not moving their body a little bit? Again, exercising while pregnant is a personal decision that should be made by the individual, not by some unqualified, fat obsessed crazy lady.

As a woman, I sometimes struggle with physical insecurities. I probably always will. But I also vow to continuously remind myself why the content of my character is more important than my book cover. Or something like that. And when that doesn't cut it, I'll list out things I like about physical appearance. Here are a few reasons why pregnancy has been cool for my self esteem so far.

1. My hair is thicker than it's been since high school. Considering the fact that I have a supposedly permanent case of diffuse pattern Alopecia Areata, it's real nice to have thicker hair and not deal with pesky handfuls of hair after shampooing. My dermatologist told me that pregnancy would probably make it go into hiding, so I'll just enjoy it while I can. Thank you, hormones!

2. My nails are strong as... er, nails. I'm usually a biter, but not anymore. My nails are in the best shape they're ever been. Thank you, hormones!

3. My skin isn't as dry as before. Sure, I could really do without the cleavage acne, but I'm loving the slightly dewy complexion that's happening right now. Thank you, hormones!

This post turned more ranty that I meant for it to. So I'll simply end with this. Pregnant ladies, let's all vow to love our bodies for what they do for us and our babies. And if we have people in our lives that make us feel ugly simply for being ourselves, let's choose to hang out with different people then, okay? Okay.